Playoffs? playoffs??

Bracketology

The best part of the season is finally here! I lost my fantasy championship. But it's alright, because the playoffs are here and i get to see once again how embarrassingly wrong my predictions go. But you know what. i'm back to give my radical picks. Radical picks sure to go wrong. And along with entertaining Anime style titles to fit each playoff series.

Prediction sure to go wrong: This will be the most entertaining playoffs ever.

"This is my time. It's my damn time!"
Lakers vs. Nuggets
Kobe and Iverson are both sayin it. But let's be for real, the nuggets have absolutely no defense. As bad as the Laker defense is, it is no where near the mangled mess the nuggets are. As much as I love Allen Iverson, he will have his heart crushed by the Lakers.

Lakers in 5.

New kids on the block had a bunch of hits, and they'll make the Jazz sick.
Jazz vs. Rockets
This is not a series i'm really looking forward to watching. I don't think you can really call any basketball game smash mouth, but this is gonna be tough and grind it out ball. Two great coaches playing for every yard on each possession. This is might be shocking. T-mac will finally win, in game 7. I know I say it every year. But this is the year "where amazing happens". It's gonna be a thing to watch him lift his hands, grab the monkey off his back, and cry in victory.

Rockets in 7

The Shaqtus Pricks San Antonio!
Suns vs. Spurs
I really have to give it to them. The trade looks like it's a success. Well... success would be a championship i suppose. But they do look better than they did with Marion. Because somehow Shaq has turned Amare into a FREAK. He pretty much has just sucked Marion's skills into his body, and now he's a superhuman creation of both of them. Holy crap. That is bad news for the Spurs. Seriously. If Amare doesn't have D up Duncan, and ends up guarding Oberto. wow. it's over. I know never to pick against San Antonio, but i'm tellin you... They're done without Horry.

Suns in 6.

Dirk-alicious will eat his apples red delicious.
Hornets vs. Mavericks
Chris Paul is good. If you don't believe that, you must be an avid American Idol viewer. I believe in Chris Paul, and that he's easily the best point guard in the game. I don't believe in the other guys though. Tyson Chandler and Mo Pete especially. I also believe Jason Kidd has gone overlooked after he got traded. He's gonna take it upon himself to be the superstar. And he'll do it. He's gonna wear Chris Paul down with his huge body. And Dallas is gonna come up on top.

Mavs in 7

Baby Hawks don't have the big ticket.
Celtics vs. Hawks
come on. KG will dominate. but i'm gonna give them a 2 game scare. I think they're gonna surprise everyone. not by winning. heck no. but 1... maybe maybe 2 games. but i'm gonna give them the benefit of the doubt.

Celts in 6

Agent Zero snipes down the King. too bad the King is bulletproof.
Cavaliers vs. Wizards
I can't freakin wait to watch this. I really wish they weren't playing each other, so i can root for both of em. Dag. But i believe the Leastern Conference is pudding in the hands of LeBron and chumps. LeBron's remarkable run begins here. man... i really wish Gilbert would have put the Pistons on the hibachi. oh well.

Cavs in 6

Dwight Howard dunks on the used car salesman.
Magic vs. Raptors
Close games, but Hedo's gonna close. can't believe i just said that.

Magic in 5

The I don't care series
Pistons vs. 76ers.
I'm pretty sure i won't watch a game. Just want to see some Iggy highlights.

pistons in 4

Ok the reason why i think that this year will be the best playoffs ever...

Semi's
Kobe vs. T-mac: Lakers in 5.
Best Friends, Nash vs Dirk: Suns in 7.
King > Big 3: Cavs in 6. yea i know. i'm crazy
Pistons vs. Magic: Pistons in 5.

Conference Finals
Kobe vs Shaq. Suns vs Lakers. Holy Moly: Lakers in 7
King James of the Palace: Cavs in 6. a repeat of a certain 25 of the last 26 shots.

Finals
Best player in the NBA? LeBron vs. Kobe. : Lakers in 6


now that's a playoff! best playoffs ever. you heard it hear first.

The Clippers one stop quick fix off season!

I'm back in LA ya'll!! That's just the beginning of the problems though...

If I ever received a job in an organization, I wouldn’t want to be a coach, trainer, secretary, or any of that. My talents are best suited as a General Manager. Hey just check my resume. My notorious reputation for ripping people off in fantasy leagues has to translate somewhat right? How about dominating computerized GM’s in NBA 2k8? No? Maybe you think my skills wouldn’t be applicable in the big leagues, but believe me, if I were running the show, I’d some how steal Dwight Howard for Malik Rose. Ok maybe not that ludicrous, but I’d have a city ready to give out free hugs, and 29 other places in the nation getting their pens handy for some hate mail!

Anyway, on to the main course, here it is owners and GMs! Your guide to fixing your crappy franchise. No need to thank me. Just put the plan in motion. We’ll get to seeing some great basketball in no time!

First up.

Mr. Donald Sterling and the Los Angeles Clippers.

One of my buddies is a huge clippers fan. I respect that. I don’t understand how they’re able to commit to such painful torture. I don’t think I’ve ever watched a full Clipper game on TV. I swear, I’ve fallen asleep every time.

No more. It’s time. It’s time for a change. Hey! Ya’ll deserve it. So let’s see where we’re at.

Current record: 23-55. Yikes.

Cap relief:
Paul Davis, Dan Dickau, Nick Fazekas, Shaun Livingston, Smush Parker, Quinton Ross: which totals: 7 million.. not bad.. not enough though.

Cap Killers:
Cuttino Mobley – 8.3 mil for 3 years... EW
Tim Thomas – 5.6 mil for 3 years... Gross
Corey Maggette – 7 mil for 2 years... serious?
Chris Kaman – 8.6 mil for 5 years... might work out.

Needs: The most important thing is to change the attitude of the franchise. You need to bring in a guy that gives the team swagger and a winning mentality. (a-la Sam Cassell). They have a great X’s and O’s coach. And two good food frontcourt players. What’s missing? One thing that they do need though, is a number one scoring option. Elton Brand is not a number one scoring option. He is one of the best number two options. He is not a superstar. (I thought they’d be perfect with Vince Carter, Allen Iverson, or Ray Allen who were all on the market before) Al Thornton does have potential to be that guy. I might wait it out with him. The two guard spots are where the Clippers lack the most. They need major help there. Is Shaun Livingston coming back? I have no clue.

Draft: They’ll likely end up with the 6th overall draft pick at their current pace which leaves them in great position to pick these two guys.

O.J. Mayo – Bear with me. OJ’s got moxie. He’s got that bad boy image. He’s gonna bring some kind of glitz and glamour to tinsel town. This dude is not the next Kobe Bryant, or LeBron James. I honestly think he’ll be the next Jamal Crawford. But it’s exactly what the Clippers need. A guy who’s not afraid to take any shot, at any moment. Who brings publicity, (any publicity is good publicity unless it’s Artest) and makes the team matter. Could he score 20 ppg his rookie year? Unlikely. But could he be an integral cog getting the Clips to the playoffs? Absolutely.

Eric Gordon - "Do-it-all combo guard. Big-time range on his jump shot.
Great shooting off the dribble. Excellent finisher at the basket. Great speed. Excellent athlete with explosive leaping ability. Good handle. NBA body. Excellent basketball IQ. Hard worker. Good, physical defender." - Chad Ford

Free Agency: If any of the free agents (sans Shaun Livingston) asks for more than 1.5 million per year, they have got to be insane. It’s like a who’s who of D-leaguers.

Shaun Livingston? He’s got potential! Oh shut up. Even if he does, he went down in one of the ugliest injuries ever. Let Miami pay him 8 million and let him go.

There is no money to make a play at a big time free agent. So gottta make some trades.

Trades: 1. Sign and Trade Shaun Livingston, Quinton Ross, Josh Powell, and an Unprotected Future First Rounder for Jose Calderon and Joey Graham.
Jose Calderon is good. He’s real good. He’s an efficient point guard developing into a really good point guard. Before he becomes really valuable, now’s the time to snatch him. Actually, he’s already gotten to that point, but his stock is still barely pre-all-star status. Yes. Josh Powell might be the next David West. Yes Shaun Livingston is talented. But he’s NOT going to be the next Magic Johnson people! Stop it with the ridiculous comparison. Jose Calderon is good now. And he’ll get the ball to Chris and Elton when they need it. Jose is disgustingly efficient. He’s a potential 50/40/90 guy. That’s right. 50% from the field, 40% from three, 90% from the line. That is disgusting. It’s exactly the type of point guard you need for a slow down half court set. Think about the lineup, Calderon, Mayo, Thornton, Brand, Kaman, Maggette. That’s deadly. For Toronto, it picks up three nice young pieces, some cap relief for an expendable but valuable piece, and getting a good pick by banking on the Clips being horrible.

2. Corey Maggette and Cuttino Mobley 2008 2nd Round Draft Pick for Vince Carter and Trenton Hassell.
The Corey Maggette era must end. It’s time to move him before he really becomes useless. Shipping him off with the salary of Cat Mobley? Awesome! What we get in return? What the hell Vince Carter? I am holding to my analysis that all the Clippers truly need is a number one scoring option. Vince Carter is a bona-fide scorer. I don’t care if you say his knees are gone; he can still get to the rim, step out and shoot. The stupidity of Lawrence Frank has honestly led to the demise of Vince Carter. How can you not run the break with Kidd, Vince and RJ? Keeping them clamped up in a half court set… shame on you Lawrence. Shame. Vince is selling at a discount price, and I think it’s time to nab him up. Will it back fire on the Clips? Possibly. But just as Shaq’s short reign in Miami boosted their franchise for a short time, I think Vince Carter can boost the Clippers ratings from 0 to a couple of guys walking around the street saying “bingo!”

Do this Donald, and I promise better days. You just have to get creative with the roster, and cross your fingers for a healthy Elton Brand. You can do it Clippers!

- Hibachi